Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
