thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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