the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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