Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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