we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
