haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
