She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
