Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
