there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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