We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize