ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
