just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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