Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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