Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
