textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Do vagina's smell?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
