What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
