Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
