im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Even my vagina gasped.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
A bitchslap is in order.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
