NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
