I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
