No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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