just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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