He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
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