so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
