I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
