a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We got so high we made milksteak
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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