Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
