He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
