and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize