I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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