do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
