Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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