i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
