dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
