ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
