I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
