The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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