Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I had to cum in my sink.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
