I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
i think im in europe. pls send help
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
