yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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