what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
MIDGETS
????
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
