how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
