My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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