no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
