my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
