I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
