my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize