God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize