So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
