turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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