I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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