We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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