you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
