I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize