The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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