u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
