i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
