I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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