I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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