today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
The air taste purple.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
