Im at strip club and am horny
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
