I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
