On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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