I swear she didn't look like that last week.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
