just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
