i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
