11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
