So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
