Everything about him screamed your future.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
