i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Randomize
